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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Letting Go

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The best day ever was when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, then again when I married my husband. The next best thing ever in my life was when I gave birth to my daughter and 3 years later to my son. I am complete!

The joy I have raising my kids has been one thrill after another, and then the thought of schooling came. Summer made a post on the emotions she is feeling about having to send her daughter Kelcee to preschool next fall and when I read this all the emotions and turmoil I felt came rushing back! When my daughter turned 2 I started to panic. I was so in love with my little girl that I could not imagine being away from her for even a second little own a whole day of school. That is when I started considering home schooling. Sure! I can do this, I told myself. My sister has 6 kids and she home schooled all of them, if she can do it so can I. So, I picked her brain asking question after question on how I would  go about this. Thus started a process that went from, giving it a year only and seeing where I will go with it, then adding in her brother when he was the right age, to ah when she makes it to grade 9 she will go into a school, to finishing not only grade 12 at home, (with a scholarship I must add) into almost finishing 1st year Bachelor of Science university at home with really good grades!

But letting go must come and I have been putting it off for 18 years!! Finally this past January I had to let go of her and let me tell you it hasn't been easy at all. She finally went into a real school so she can complete her Bachelor of Science degree and become the woman God created her to be. She is loving it and I am mourning the loss of my sweet daughter-friend. Well tomorrow will mark the end of this semester of school, just 5 exams left and I will have Squeaks back at home with me until next fall. I am really looking forward to having her around me again. I so miss our times of exploring the mountains with her and SOTK.

When I had children I never gave thought to the time of having to let go of them I just really savored and enjoyed every single day whether bad or good not really understanding or thinking of the time they will leave home. I just never wanted to go there in my mind so in a way I never really thought about it until grade 12 approached and then I couldn't wrap my mind around it. It is a very scary thing for me to do, letting go. My eyes are welling up with tears as I try to think about this, I can't make my mind go there. So what can I do? I have to trust Jesus and give it into His hands believing He will look after this for me and help me along.

These past few months from January till now have been some of the loneliest, saddest yet happiest times I have ever felt, and I have been through a lot in my life, stuff I am not free to share with you all but letting go of Squeaks has really been an experience I couldn't even have dreamed of before. I must admit tho, I have been having a great one on one with SOTK and there has been tons less fighting going on. :)

Next week things will be getting back to normal around here and I am really looking forward to it. My daughter is coming back! :) She has had a great experience and I know she is looking forward to a break from the books and eager to get working on the fencing, gardening, horseback riding and all the other odd jobs that a farm has. Joy will be returning to me for the next 5 months, then September will roll around and with that all the emotions of having to let go again.

Psalm 9:9-11NIV
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
   a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
   for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Sing the praises of the LORD, enthroned in Zion;
   proclaim among the nations what he has done. 


  1. I know that panic well:) I got almost physically ill when signing up my first for school and then decided to homeschool.

    I have never regretted it, but know someday I will have to let go to.

  2. Child of God : Such a wonderful relationship you have with your children! How blessed you all are!!

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  4. I was first sent to a Christian preschool. But I must say (from what I remember) I hated it! I hated being away from my mommy :) To make this short, my Mom ended up homeschooling all 5 of us :)

    So glad Squeaks will be with you all again!

  5. Hi Ma,
    It really is a dreadful feeling. Every time I think about my kids leaving I am reminded of God and His love for us. I wonder and stand in awe of His love for us that He loves us so much that he created us to choose either Him or not. How it must sting Him when we choose our own way. Many times when I go to make a decision He will remind me of this, the pain He feels and it encourages me to choose His way not mine. This is something I have only come to appreciate since having children. What a gift!

    Hi Vilisi,
    We do have a good relationship but home schooling has allowed the kids to sometimes not hear my voice. It is like they hear it all the time all day long that over time they have learned to tune it out. :s Makes for a very frustrated me. But I would rather that and have them with me all the time.

    Hi Kaboom,
    I hated school too! I so wanted to stay home but my mom didn't realize the option of home schooling. Way to go for your mom home schooling all 5 of you!! What a job!
    Today is Squeaks last day and hopefully she will be back blogging again, she just hasn't had the time as she is taking some heavy courses. :)


  6. YAY! How exciting to have her home for the summer :) You all will enjoy this summer so much more than previous ones because now you know what it's like to be without each other for a long period of time. You'll cherish this time :)

  7. Hi Katy,
    I sure will enjoy her company and I am really praying for growth in a whole new area. God is so good and things could very well get exciting around here.


  8. I know that feeling so well my dear friend. My sweet daughter-friend comes and goes and one day,I will have to let her go from my arms for the last time...that thought makes my eyes fill up with tears and puts a lump in my throat.

    I think back to all those long beautiful endless baby days, the school days when I would send her off and she knew I would be there waiting to pick her up.

    Our sweet daughter-friends will always be the beautiful rays of sunshine that light up our days dear sister.

    Always in my prayers...

  9. That's great that you get some time with your daughter! It is hard going through the empty nest syndrome, but through God, we can endure. May you and your children have a wonderful time during her break from school!
    Blessings to you,

  10. Hi Lisa,
    I believe you, our daughter-friends will always light up our days.

    I don't think that lump will ever go away. I better start easing the size of that lump now. :s

    Hi Tammy,
    Yes, the empty nest...oh boy! Maybe I will adopt.

    Blessings sisters thanks for sharing,

  11. Truth is: there is no god. We live in the 21st century. We haven't made the progress we have by relying on a 2000 year old myth to solve all our problems for us. It's time for all people to embrace truth, not fairytales and stories. Come over to my blog and comment away as I don't moderate or censor anyone.

  12. Hi Mormon 411,

    I am sorry you feel this way but the Truth IS Jesus Christ, born, death on the cross and raised from the dead, living and seated and the right hand of the Father conquering evil once and for all, there is no other truth but His. It is a good idea to embrace this idea now before He returns again, for all creation will bow their knee to God.

    I lock the door to my car, house and sometimes my driveway gate. It is a wise idea to keep out vandals. My blog is open but I want to make sure that when a destructive comment does come, children and young adults, (my kids included) who view this blog will not be subjected to profanities and such. You are welcome to comment here freely and if it is clean of speech then I will post it. I have no problem defending my faith because it is founded in truth not myth.


  13. Letting go seems to be a lot harder for woman than men. At least it was for my wife. I helped all our kids pack their bags :-)

  14. Hi Ron,
    Hahaha!! :P
    Yes, this is just another one of those 'women things'. We can be very complicated.


  15. Thank you, Child of God, I respect that. Most religious people would just block me and refuse to let me give my two cents.

    You're obviously convinced of your beliefs. I don't know what, if any, research you have done into myths, but if you do, you will find that Jesus is just another one. There are much older stories of virgins having babies and heros with a human parent and a godly parent. Jesus is the same story retold and given a different name.

    Now, you boldly claim that your belief is THE truth. Can you back that up with something other than ancient books and good feelings? If so, please do share.

  16. Hi Mormon 411,

    You are welcome here and I hope and pray the Holy Spirit will open your eyes.

    The Bible is a history book and proven to be correct. Prophesies recorded there have come true and are coming true today. Jesus rising from the dead did happen and He has given His Spirit to dwell within and this is a matter of believing by faith, a moving of the Holy Spirit.
    A while ago I had a discussion with an atheist and I found that if a person chooses to close their mind there is nothing I can say to change it. It is a matter of the Spirit coming in and convincing you otherwise. I have seen deaf people hear, legs grow out to become even, a drowned baby come back to life, a drowned grown man with 0 chance of survival alive and well and finishing off his university courses. I myself have been healed from Rheumatoid Arthritis. There is proof if you seek it. But if your mind is closed then you will never believe. Here is a link to a Muslim turned Christian where Jesus manifested Himself right in front of him.
    It is a bit long but you asked for proof, so here is some proof for you. Think on this a bit, if Jesus was not true then why would the 12 disciples and more be willing to die horrible terrible deaths for Jesus. If this was just a myth why would Peter be willing to risk being hung upside down on the cross and why would Stephen still preach the Word of Jesus while being stoned to death? These are true facts that are recorded elsewhere in history. Nero was a wicked cruel leader who would rip Christians in two, why didn’t these people deny their faith? If it was a story then why would they watch their family members being tortured to death? Why are people today willing to die for their faith? Because the Holy Spirit comes in and makes Himself real to you, you feel Him and He guides you.
    One more piece of truth for you. My husband is a physician who works in emergency and critical care and he has been eye witness to dead people rising to life again because he has prayed. Code called off all the medical team stopping their work, only for him to be pressed by the Holy Spirit to pray so out of obedience he prayed and heart started beating and the man breathing. No lie this happened twice. Then there is the drowned baby and the drowned man both surviving and 100% normal.

    There is more proof out there if you are willing to seek it. In all honesty drop the skepticism and seek the truth I guarantee He will meet you and prove Himself to you, but you have to be willing to seek and research and when you see don't pass it off as coincidence.

    God Bless,

  17. Thank you for the detailed reply. The Bible has been proven? Really? There is no scientific evidence that there was ever a global flood. If there ever was such a flood, evidence of it would have been left behind. If the Bible is true, then snakes and donkeys can talk.

    I have always said that if god created the world, then a study of that world should only further reveal the nature of god. Science, which is a study of the world, has disproved Biblical claims again and again. The earth is much older than 6000 years. It is 4.5 billion years old. Humans have been on the earth for at least 200,000 years. DNA evidence has proved this.

    Which Biblical prophesies, exactly, are coming true today? That there will be wars and rumors of wars? Can you name a time in recorded history when there has not been war? A self-fulfiling prophesy does not impress me. I can't see the future, but I am pretty sure that the sun will rise tomorrow. Does that make me a true prophet if it actually happens? Or how about if I prophesy that someday the United States of America will cease to exist? Eventually it will happen, but it's not because I prophesied it, but because sooner or later, all things fall.

    It's funny. I've had similar discussions with believers and I've found that they are just as close minded and set in their beliefs as anyone else. Please keep in mind that I used to be a believer. When I finally got rid of the wishful thinking and started taking a look at the real evidence, god dissolved. I have been on both sides and I am much happier here, knowing that there is no angry, jealous, vengeful sky daddy. The way we are different is that I look at the evidence and come to a conclusion. You come to a conclusion and then cherry pick to find evidence supporting your claim. Truth is not found in that way.

    The 12 disciples died horrible deaths for Jesus because, like Jesus, they are made up. And even if they were real people, the story was imbellished by Constantine at the Nicene Council. In fact, if Jesus was from the Far East area of the world, wouldn't he be dark skinned? Why is Jesus white? Because the image of Jesus that everyone puts on their walls is actually a portrait of Constantine himself. Those with the power, make history and Constantine had the power. Jesus was whatever Constantine said he was.

    I have no doubt that medical "miralces" occur on occassions. I have worked in the health industry myself. However, do these unexplained occurances only happen to Christians? No they don't. They happen to atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, Jews, and every other group of people. So just because it happened to someone who is Christian, is no proof at all that Jesus did it. So I still feel that you have not provided me with adequate proof to change my mind. You have only provided me with wishful thinking.

    I am a firm believer in seeking truth. That means being open to being proven wrong. If you are truyly searching for the truth, then you must be prepared to admit that you don't already have it. That is why I stopped being a believer. Because the only "evidence" is wishful thinking and corrupt or misinformed preachers who tell their audience that "evolution has been disproved."

    Sorry, but evolution is a scientific fact and anyone who says otherwise is either lying or seriously misinformed.

  18. Hi Mormon 411,

    There is tons of proof it is just that you shake it off as false.

    My husband is a physician, and scientist. He use to believe like you until he started searching and seeing how false and phony science can be. Science is based on theory not fact and is so faulty because it is of man and man lies, cheats and steals to make his point right.

    My husband walked out of the scientific field because of all the lies going around. Lies to make their scientific theories true. Now this is up there in the top of the field, you know leading medicine and stuff. Not good. He bailed out before he got mixed up in the lies of it all.

    The truth is, science was built on God. All the old scientist of the past were Christians proving God. God created science and told us to seek the truth, but when man cannot explain something they lie so they do not lose face. Pride is the downfall of Satan and it is the downfall of man.

    If the Jesus is made up then why do people still suffer for Him today? Why would I allow you here to ridicule my faith? Because Jesus is real. His love flows through me to you. Laugh at me that is fine I only hope and pray that you will meet Him. The truth.

    I pray He makes Himself real to you and you can find the peace and hope that He and only He can offer.

    Jesus is coming back soon I hope you meet Him before the tribulation comes.

    In peace of Jesus Christ,

  19. Child of God, it is clear that we are running around in circles now. I do appreciate your tolerance and respect. I'm not the most tactful person when it comes to religious debates, but I want you to know that I do respect you.

    Your view on science is typical of a believer. It's all just a bunch of lies to discredit god. And I don't doubt that you're right in the sense that people are people and too often are selfish and dishonest. Its sad but true. However, if you have ever enjoyed flying in an airplane, talking on the phone, using a computer, etc., then you have science to thank for that.

    Christians "suffer" for Jesus because they believe. Muslims fly airplanes into buildings because they believe. A Muslim could easily argue that Islam is the true religion because people are willing to suffer for it. Sorry, but that's not proof that your god exists. It just isn't. It's wishful thinking.

    And as far as the world hunger issue, I agree with you totally. If all the wealthy people of the world would give generously, there would be no hunger. I am not fortunate enough to have ever had very much money. But I have always felt that those with money have a great responsibility to humanity. Many of them fail miserably because of their own greed.

    Jesus isn't coming and I wonder what they'll be saying in 1000 years when he still hasn't come. I am sure there will be all kinds of excuses and justifications. Maybe by then, people will have learned how to think rationally instead of wishfully.

  20. Hi Mormon 411,

    I agree this is a circle and will continue to be a circle until you make the choice to seek His face. Try it I guarantee you will meet Him.

    No, you are not very tactful but the love of God covers all of that and more. His love pours out of me into your pathway and if you allow it, He will come in and fill you up.

    Jesus is coming I hope you make the decision to follow Him before the tribulation sets in because when that happens there will be turmoil like never before. If you are interested in seeking Him here is a great blog

    Elizabeth who owns this blog use to be an atheist turned Christian. Look through her blog and ask her questions or debate with her she is well equipped to answer your questions, better than I can for she studies this in great detail.

    Blessings on you,


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