1 John 2:15 ESVDo not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
I am noticing that the more I obey Father the more separated from the world I become. In all honesty it is a little bitter sweet because some of those whom I love and care for are not on the same journey and I find that I cannot relate to them in the same way as before. My cares are for my Father and His Word and to spread His Gospel. He is breaking my heart for His mission and I hunger to please Him.
I knew about standing alone for Jesus but the reality of that meaning is honing in to also include standing alone for Jesus amongst my brothers and sisters. That was something I wasn’t really prepared for. I guess deep inside I was hoping they would get on board and journey closer into Father’s heart with me. This stripping away of self is so painful and the reality of what is inside of me is so shameful in the light of Father. This wanting to be loved and included in with others; accepted by my friends, verses my hunger and thirst for Jesus and my desire to worship and please Him is tearing me inside. Yet I continue to walk on in obedience to Father because my heart aches to be in His presence and please Him more than I desire the acceptance of my friends.
With a lot of prayer cover and encouragement from family I was able to pray in front of the congregation for one of our Sunday services. Up until the moment I was so nervous, but as soon as I took that first step towards the front of the church I was carried by Father! It was wonderful!!! The nerves left, I was able to pray without chocking, stuttering or sweating! He calmed me and I felt His approval. When I was done and I left then the shakes came in and my tummy made flips but it didn’t last long and a peace overcame me and I knew I pleased my Dad. Thank you for your prayers, I felt them and they carried me.
This journey is hard. I am seeing a lot of ugly things in me rising to the surface; things I didn’t even realize existed in me. I am a loner and never have really cared what others thought of me until just now I see that yes I do care and it hurts in a deep way. But I also see that Father is doing a deep work in me, purging me of the filth of this human nature called self. With the purging I am seeing Him with a clearer vision and understanding the pain and suffering Jesus went through in a deeper way than I did before. I can relate better to this Man of Sorrow that He was known as. He is molding me and changing me and I don’t ever want Him to stop, because what I am seeing rise out of me I like because it is reflecting Him more.
Isaiah 53:10 ESVYet it was the will of the Lord to crush him; he has put him to grief; when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
Worthy is Jesus to be honoured and glorified and praised!!