God is so faithful and He reminded me that it was the Spirit of God leading me in prayer for those He loves and cares about. Romans 8:26-27 NIV
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
Really how could I forget this?! Satan and his sneaky ways came in and aimed his fiery arrows at the right spot in me to make me question myself. He made me feel inadequate with myself in prayer so I would give up and focus on me and feel bad about myself! But, God is in control and He showed me that this was His leading and His Spirit took up where I left off and jumped into another urgent prayer. I have been in prayer groups where the Spirit is thick and when I start praying He will lead me all over the map and someone who is a bystander would think me a little more than scattered brained but God knows exactly what I am saying for He is the one directing.
Abandoning ourselves to God can be a very scary thing as we let go of control and give it to Him. I love how Paul Young, author of 'The Shack' likens it to a wildflower garden planted by God as opposed to a flower garden planted by man. This image, for me, is very powerful in trying to understand how God directs and leads. People like to have things organized in straight lines and patterns but God doesn't do things the way man does. Just look at nature and you see the wild beauty of God. God likes to come in and dig up man's garden, which by the way really can hurt, then when the soil is well worked He throws a handful of flower seeds everywhere. When they take root and grow the beauty that beholds the eye far surpasses the beauty of a well planned, organized garden. The wildness of God's garden is thrilling yet scary at the same time.
I am so thankful that God cares enough about us that when we are willing to give control to Him, He will step in, tear up our lives and plant His seeds. If we are patient and willing to leave the control in His hands then the garden that grows will be unique and all together exotically beautiful beyond belief.
Photo courtesy of Nikon Sniper: Mount St. Helen's