Letting Go

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The best day ever was when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, then again when I married my husband. The next best thing ever in my life was when I gave birth to my daughter and 3 years later to my son. I am complete!

The joy I have raising my kids has been one thrill after another, and then the thought of schooling came. Summer made a post on the emotions she is feeling about having to send her daughter Kelcee to preschool next fall and when I read this all the emotions and turmoil I felt came rushing back! When my daughter turned 2 I started to panic. I was so in love with my little girl that I could not imagine being away from her for even a second little own a whole day of school. That is when I started considering home schooling. Sure! I can do this, I told myself. My sister has 6 kids and she home schooled all of them, if she can do it so can I. So, I picked her brain asking question after question on how I would  go about this. Thus started a process that went from, giving it a year only and seeing where I will go with it, then adding in her brother when he was the right age, to ah when she makes it to grade 9 she will go into a school, to finishing not only grade 12 at home, (with a scholarship I must add) into almost finishing 1st year Bachelor of Science university at home with really good grades!

But letting go must come and I have been putting it off for 18 years!! Finally this past January I had to let go of her and let me tell you it hasn't been easy at all. She finally went into a real school so she can complete her Bachelor of Science degree and become the woman God created her to be. She is loving it and I am mourning the loss of my sweet daughter-friend. Well tomorrow will mark the end of this semester of school, just 5 exams left and I will have Squeaks back at home with me until next fall. I am really looking forward to having her around me again. I so miss our times of exploring the mountains with her and SOTK.

When I had children I never gave thought to the time of having to let go of them I just really savored and enjoyed every single day whether bad or good not really understanding or thinking of the time they will leave home. I just never wanted to go there in my mind so in a way I never really thought about it until grade 12 approached and then I couldn't wrap my mind around it. It is a very scary thing for me to do, letting go. My eyes are welling up with tears as I try to think about this, I can't make my mind go there. So what can I do? I have to trust Jesus and give it into His hands believing He will look after this for me and help me along.

These past few months from January till now have been some of the loneliest, saddest yet happiest times I have ever felt, and I have been through a lot in my life, stuff I am not free to share with you all but letting go of Squeaks has really been an experience I couldn't even have dreamed of before. I must admit tho, I have been having a great one on one with SOTK and there has been tons less fighting going on. :)

Next week things will be getting back to normal around here and I am really looking forward to it. My daughter is coming back! :) She has had a great experience and I know she is looking forward to a break from the books and eager to get working on the fencing, gardening, horseback riding and all the other odd jobs that a farm has. Joy will be returning to me for the next 5 months, then September will roll around and with that all the emotions of having to let go again.

Psalm 9:9-11NIV

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
   a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
   for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Sing the praises of the LORD, enthroned in Zion;
   proclaim among the nations what he has done. 

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